


and i'd give up forever to touch you

by bisexualdeanwinchester



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Danger Days Era, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-04-25 06:31:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4950235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualdeanwinchester/pseuds/bisexualdeanwinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>no one ever said loving gerard was going to be easy. frank probably wouldn't have listened to them anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. you're a hot mess (i'm saying hell yes)

**Author's Note:**

> title is from 'iris' by the googoo dolls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh this was mainly driven by my intense curiosity about whether or not mcr ever had a man bun squad
> 
> the title is from the cobra starship song 'hot mess' (which i was listening to as i tried to come up with a title)

sometimes frank regrets his decision to grow his hair out. sure, it looks cool and can totally hide his face onstage (which is helpful for when his immune system takes a break and he doesn't want the kids to see that he's seconds away from puking), but it's really fucking hot. like, he did not consider how hot it would be until they went into the fucking desert to film.

ray, of course, is used to having long hair so he's completely fine, and mikey probably wouldn't break a sweat if he was thrown into the sun or something.

so really, frank's dying of heatstroke alone, because gerard is too excited about directing to be affected by such trivial things as the temperature. he thanks god when one of the cameras breaks and they have to wait for someone to go get the parts needed to fix it.

ray tosses him a water and he downs half of it in one go.

"hydration is _important _, frankie," mikey singsongs as he passes by, smirking. frank promptly sticks his tongue out at him and flips him off. even though he's probably right, the asshole.__

__he finishes the rest of his water and heads off in search of somewhere to cool off. of course, all he finds is a canopy with a couple of fans blowing weakly. still, he commandeers one of the folding chairs that are set up and resolves not to move until he's at least ten degrees cooler._ _

__after a few minutes of sitting there, he feels someone touching his hair and turns around._ _

__"the fuck, dude?"_ _

__gerard's standing there, looking at him wide-eyed. he throws his hands up in a little 'don't shoot' gesture that has frank stifling a smile and says, "you look hot. let me put your hair up until it's time to start filming again."_ _

__he doesn't even wait for an answer; instead he turns frank's head back and and starts gently pulling his hair back._ _

__huh. frank forgot how much he likes having gerard's hands in his hair. it feels pretty good. different, from all the times gerard used to grab a fistful of it (regardless of the length) and haul him in close for a kiss onstage, but good._ _

__he zones our for awhile, thinking about the way they used to kiss. oddly, it's the rare ones, short and sweet, that he remembers best, not the countless bruising kisses they exchanged on a nightly basis._ _

__he never did figure out who or what those small kisses were for. he just liked them._ _

__on some level, he knows he shouldn't be thinking about gerard like this. they're both married with kids, for god's sake. but he can't help himself: he _misses _it._ _ __

__"mmkay, you're all set," announces gerard, startling frank back into the present._ _

__"right. uh, thanks, gee," he says, unconsciously touching his hair._ _

__"it looks good," gerard adds quietly. he's staring at frank with his stupidly big, soft eyes and an unsettling look on his face that's too close to something resembling love for frank to be entirely comfortable._ _

__he decides then and there to get a fucking buzzcut the second they're done filming._ _


	2. set me free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i accidentally created a whole frerard verse and this happened
> 
> title is from 'the judge' by twenty one pilots

gerard's looking at his hands instead of at frank when he speaks.

"i- i don't think this is gonna work out."

"what?"

"this... this thing with you and me. it's just- i haven't been sober for all that long, and now that i am, i wanna- i need to figure out who i am, now that i'm not being held up by booze and pills."

frank is incredulous. it's been nearly a year, and this is just occurring to him now? "that's what we're all here for. we know who you are. all you have to do is ask."

gerard shakes his head. "i've always put up a front, being around everyone. especially you. i want to take a step back, from you and me, to get to know myself again."

"okay then. just- let me know who you are, when you find yourself. because the gerard i know? he's smart enough to realize he doesn't have to do this on his own."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a flashback set in like 2005-ish in case i wasn't clear


	3. i am made of love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from "stronger than you" from steven universe (it's meant to be a reference to bandit)

watching gerard become the person he is today has definitely been an experience. frank's seen him puking into bushes and falling over because he's so doped up he can't stand right, and he has to say he much prefers this version; the healthy, happily married gerard who's been sober for six years.

the first time he got to hold bandit, frank cried. he didn't, like, sob, or anything, but he was just so amazed that there was a little person in the world now that came from gerard. a tiny baby girl, made from all the love in gerard's very first healthy, stable relationship. he kissed her forehead and whispered, "you've got a great dad, kid. you're gonna be so loved," before giving her back to lindsey so she could be put down for a nap.

gerard looked at him and smiled. "you're crying," he teased.

instead of denying it or blaming it on something else, frank just nodded. "she's beautiful."

"i know."

"she's gonna be awesome. half you, half lindsey... you guys are gonna have your hands full."

"honestly? i can't wait."

frank wipes his eyes and smiles at gerard. "who knows? maybe someday soon she'll have a little me to play with. think she'd like that?"

"are you and jamia trying?" he asks, sounding surprised.

"i mean, we're not actively trying  _not_ to have a baby... but yeah, i guess so."

"that's great, frankie."

"i know."

"i mean it, you'd be an awesome dad."

"well, we'll see, i guess."


	4. right here, right now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty i guess the creative juices started flowing again for this fic so here y'all go

"man, that turned out really good. you did a great job, dude," frank tells gerard.

"you think so?"

they just finished watching the final cut of the na na na/sing videos for the first time, and frank can't help but praise him. "i know so, dude. these are kickass. i'm proud of you."

gerard smiles at him. "thanks. it means a lot, coming from you."

"what's that supposed to mean?"

he shrugs and pushes some of his (fucking firetruck red, frank still can't get over the vibrance of it) hair behind his ears. "i dunno. just does."

frank rolls his eyes and lightly punches gerard's shoulder. "whatever, nerd."

"who you calling a nerd? you're the one that wanted to combine star trek with d&d last year," laughs gerard.

"that was  _you_ , idiot." frank still smiles a little. it was cute.

"whatever." he just sits there for a minute, looking at frank.

"what're you looking at me like that for?"

"nothin'. just looking."

"why?"

"i dunno. just getting used to seeing your face again, i guess."

now frank laughs (albeit a bit uncomfortably). "you saw it when we were writing and recording, dork. 'sides, we spent, like, seven years all up in each others' business. not like you forgot my face or anything."

"it's not that i forgot, just... you're different, somehow, and i'm trying to figure out what's changed."

"well," frank says carefully, "maybe it's not me that's different, gee. i think it's you."

"me?"

he nods. "yeah, i mean, you're sober, you're married, and you're a dad now. all that's bound to have changed you. maybe you're just looking at the world with different eyes, and i'm part of that."

gerard stares at him. "damn, that was deep."

"shut up."


	5. for the boys, for the girls... (and everyone in between)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wikipedia says that poison is nb so i'm going for it
> 
> (this is dedicated to all the nonbinary folks out there but especially 'eagle two' my newest nb friend)

"why's this say 'they'?" ray asks.

he and frank are sprawled on the floor of the studio, looking at the new descriptions of the killjoys gerard gave them. frank's examining the sketch of kobra kid while ray looks at party poison's.

"i dunno, ask gee," frank says, waving a hand. he's too engrossed in reading the little notes gerard's scribbled all around the drawing to give ray his full attention. ('misunderstood, according to mikey. i think mikey is definitely a little misunderstood' is one of them. frank smiles, imagining gerard glancing fondly at mikey while he wrote it.)

"gerard!" ray bellows, because just getting up and going into the other room and talking to gerard is too much effort, apparently.

"what?" gerard yells back.

"why does party poison's thing say 'they' on it?"

there's no answer, but gerard does come back into the room. "what?"

ray waves the paper around at him and says, "like, instead of 'he', it says 'they'. what's up with that?"

frank carefully sets the sketch of kobra back onto the pile of the ones he hasn't seen yet and looks up at gerard.

"well, um... the killjoys are supposed to be us, right?" he says hesitantly. (that does make sense to frank, and would explain both gerard's hair and the tall, lanky figure of the kobra kid. he wonders what the killjoy version of himself looks like.) "party's, uh. they're nonbinary."

"ohhhh, gee, are you nonbinary?" frank asks. (after having listened to gerard's rants about gender for all these years, he's pretty well-versed in the language of the gender spectrum.)

gerard's cheeks go pink and that's answer enough for frank.

"that's cool, i mean, i don't care," he says earnestly. "does mikey know? oh, shit, wait, have i been using the wrong pronouns?"

gerard laughs a little. "mikey's known since we were teenagers. and no, i'm okay with 'he' or 'they'."

"awesome," says frank. he holds up his hand for a high five. gerard fistbumps his open palm and smiles (nonbinary or not, gerard is still the weird kid on the inside that frank has known and loved all these years).

"wait, what? you lost me," ray says, looking utterly bewildered.

gerard's eyes light up as he begins to lecture ray on gender identity and fluidity. frank just sits back and resumes looking at the killjoy sketches as he listens to gerard talk.


	6. we all know people who know people who are flying straight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hyello evry1 here is some more of my subpar writing :)))))))

"so you're fathers now, you're mature," the interviewer continues.

gerard smiles. "yeah, we're mature," he says, just as frank laughs and disagrees.

he, of course, thinks nothing of it, but frank wonders when he and gerard became so different.

later, he's considering that; slumped against a wall in a waiting room, knees drawn up to his chest and deep in thought.

"what's on your mind?" gerard asks, startling him.

"jesus, gerard, don't do that," frank yelps, lifting his head.

gerard laughs his stupid, infectious laugh and repeats his question.

"i dunno." he sighs. gerard sits next to him and waits. "just... what the interviewer said earlier. we have kids, right? fucking families. and i'm almost thirty, i'm supposed to be, like, an adult. mature and shit. and i'm not. when am i gonna grow the fuck up, man?"

"hey, cmon. i didn't grow up when i was thirty, you know that. thirty's the new twenty," gerard says, putting an arm around frank's shoulders. "having a family and being old doesn't mean you have to be a grownup."

frank shrugs him off and frowns at the ground. "you grew up when you had a kid, and you're old now, you're an adult."

"that doesn't mean anything, people mature at different rates. what makes me grow up isn't necessarily what's gonna make you grow up."

"i have two fucking children, gerard. i have two kids and a wife and a dog and i'm fucking- it feels like i'm just pretending. people expect me to be this wise, life-saving adult who knows what he's doing and i'm- i'm fucking not. i don't know what i'm doing wrong, i-"

he cuts himself off and groans in frustration, resting his head on his knees.

gerard runs a hand through frank's hair and says thoughtfully, "it's okay to not know what you're doing, frankie. not everyone does. just because you're an adult doesn't mean you magically know what to do with yourself, okay? just- c'mere."

he wraps his arms around frank, who turns into his embrace and just lets gerard hold him. things always feel better with gerard's arms around him.

gerard kisses the top of his head and says, "you're doing fine."


End file.
